Paul and Amanda: Yep - It's Official

Shortly after Paul and I had Taylor, when we were totally sleep-deprived and covered in vomit or poop or sticky formula milk that was dripping out of Taylor's school bag while I was trying to take her into day care, I remember thinking... I adore this child so much, but I don't know that I'm liking being a parent.

Let me be certain that I express how much I have always adored our little T-bird. I just didn't fully understand the "being a parent" part of it. I mean, it's a 24/7 gig. Non-stop. And even when you aren't the one actively watching the kiddo (thankfully we have lots of support... nanny, babysitter, daycare, grandparent), you're still a full time parent.

Perhaps it is especially tough in the beginning because the balance of it all is really off. The "what in the world am I doing" and "why do so many people keep having kids?" moments sometimes outweigh the "I'm enjoying this" and "I think I'm doing this right" moments. You are learning what in the world to do with a child in your home, in your life, completely dependent upon you. You're completely re-arranging your life, schedule, furniture, finances. The things in life that brought pleasure, relaxation, and fulfillment may no longer do so (ex: that extra glass of vino on Saturday night - which leads to a horrible headache on Sunday morning while you're up with a 6-month-old at 6:15 who wants some attention and can't yet watch cartoons - just wasn't worth it).

I don't know when it happened exactly, but I do think that I've gotten the hang of being a parent. I not only adore my daughter but I adore (almost all of) my time with her. I feel more confident as a mom, usually know what battles are worth fighting, and am certain that the balance of parenthood has righted itself towards the "I'm actually enjoying this" side! This weekend, I was peed on at the swimming pool, went for a long walk with Taylor, Paul, and Scout, and watched my little girl prance around the house in 2 aprons, a chefs hat, and her diaper. And I really loved it!